Come on, do you think I am gonna write a love story? Life is not only about love or lust my dear.
Why do we move on? To find better job, better place to live in, supporting environment, new love, and all better things. Nobody decide to move on to get worse life. Move on is not as easy as Nike slogan. Take me as an example. For the recent two weeks I worked 7/7 from 05.30 a.m to 09.00 p.m or even midnight. I got so tired and sometimes I felt life is unfair and got so bored with this not so liveable city for 8 years. But well Thanks Jakarta you gave me what so called life. I was in Bandung last month and I felt in love with the city. Yes, traffic is everywhere but then it less crowded than Jakarta. The air is still fresh in some part of the city, I love the way they talk in Sundanese and luckily I am Sundanese so I could understand them, people are quite nice and well in conclusion it’s liveable. Then some days ago I talked to my friend about my plan to move to Bandung to start a new life. Again, if life is like Nike’s slogan I’ll just do it. I’ll pack up my stuff, find a job as a teacher there and rent a house. Sound so simple isn’t it? But then I told him if I have no family there, no close friend, even further from my parent, and I need to start my career there from zero again. How do I afford my necessities? I can’t pay bill just by “hatur nuhun” well it means Thank you. So will I move? Well I need to make precise planning for this. Don’t I? In career and love moving on is normal Indeed, but what I am trying to tell you here is if you want to move please be completely ready for the risks and make a right planning. Don’t just “do it”. P.S ; Meski tidak mudah, ada Indah disetiap pindah yang Lillah.
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So, our school has 2 tortoises. We named them Shelly and Sheldon. They separated during weekdays and together during weekend for some specific purposes. I was not in very good condition this morning there were so much in my mind I felt so dizzy so when I was in the basement I looked and starred at them blankly. If they could talk maybe they will question us as human, why do we put them separately and build such a barrier when it is very possible for them to live together. But since there are nothing they can do so they just eat, drink, and enjoy their live while waiting patiently for weekend. I reflected on my life, the barrier in Shelly and Sheldon life is like all differences between me and the person or the thing I really want to be with. No matter how close it is to happen, but the barrier will always be there. Unlike shelly and Sheldon which can do nothing, we can do something. When it comes to a person, if we want to be together with him or her we need to work on how break the barrier and live together. When it comes to a thing well it can’t work together with us to break the barrier, we are the one who needs to break it and reach that thing. After we try to break it as best as we can all we have to do next is patiently wait like Shelly and Sheldon wait for weekend till God tell us we’ve waited enough and just believe if it’s meant to be it will be. As simple as that, why so serious. I was tough,
Till the time he vanished, The one I thought for having him was just enough, The one I always missed, I lost, Too shy to run and ask for help, To them once before I didn't really care, But they treated me the other way, Opened their hand, Reached me out like I never bring them down They threw me birthday, When I didn't really remember theirs, They listened, even I badly hurt some of them, Said "where are you" when I said "I think I need to talk" I was so selfish So rubbish To them who were there during my bad time But I run during my good time So sorry and Thank you but not next. Dedicated to Bukis, Airen, Lalu, Fari, Teh Intan, Makcik, Uwa, Mas Ditya, Anes and my number 1 friday evening priority: Rima, Ilya, Faris and Rahman and every great friends in my life. and those who became "next" stil.. Thankyou. To you or to it
In the moment I say I DO Through The Best and The worst In the joy and the pain I won't run I will be there, I will stay Till God whisper to my heart say I’ve done enough Now let go. Then I'll let go “Don’t say I didn’t warn you” Said the brain
“I knew and I hated it when you are right” stated the heart “Be more realistic, you are a grown up lady” said the brain again. “You are being so selfish. Why is it so hard for us to agree on something or someone?” Asked the heart again “First I am not selfish; second we just haven’t find the right thing or person. Once we find one, we don’t need to argue anymore.” Answered the brain. “But when? Or how? I just simply want what I want. And plus how to know if he or it is the one?” Insisted the heart “Whatever you say, rockhead” replied the brain For years I used to say Let it flow for many things
But Last night I was in the deep thought if what let it “flow” Here are some definitions of what “flow” is: VERB 1. (of a liquid, gas, or electricity) move steadily and continuously in a current or stream. "from here the river flows north" · NOUN 2. the action or fact of moving along in a steady, continuous stream. "the flow of water into the pond" In both of definition of flow as a verb and a Noun steady and continuous were highlighted. So, what I assume if we let something flow means we just follow the steady stream and do no more about it. In love I said “Let it flow” In work I said “Let it flow” In education I said “Let it flow” Unconsciously I don’t do extra effort to achieve what I want because I just follow the stream. Take love as an example. Let say in relationships, a couple is not sure yet where will this go then they say just let it flow. When they say “let it flow” in an uncertainty, the “let it flow” will be like a spell for them to surrender to the current circumstances It will be different if they say “Let it flow” when they are doing extra effort for their love, they will steadily and continuously do it till they “arrive” to a point they dreamed of and the point after. A soul is sleeping while waiting for the dawn where another soul somewhere is waiting for the dusk. They are living in different time zone but smile at their phone screen at the same time. Why does someone far away can make us smile shyly, greatly, and passionately while we have many people we can see everyday? Why do we "choose" that certain person?
Why do people stay in long distance relationship? why don't their heart stay with someone they can see most of the time? More than hundred thousands girls in Jakarta why do a Jakarta man give his heart to an irish girl in Ireland and vice versa? Simply, love knows its place and distance is not a matter. Illogical indeed but the heart knows what it wants. "Gak semua hal harus kamu pahami, terkadang cukup kamu nikmati" Trust me, I lost count on how many times I type and delete this post. I want to write an inspiring story so the reader can earn something from it but then I am not being me. So I decide to write what I want to write. Because I am done with all expectation towards me. I probably will laugh and feel so silly in ten years later when I read this but yeah we all do the same thing on what we wrote ten years ago and it will go on and on forever. So here we go.. Lately one of my ex boyfriend *doh* send me the link about how he thought about me when we were together. He said I was kind of a visioner person. So here is the thing. I was around 19 or 20 when I was with him. we're just college students with no income except from our parents. But I was bravely asked him to have a saving together eventhough we were not sure what it was for. Well probably we thought about marriage? Duh! so funny and silly considering how wreckless we were at that time. But I just thought saving our money together would be beneficial so we did it. After months we finally broke up and we shared the money and I told "you didn't loss that much by having me as your girlfriend, once we break up you also get the money" or in bahasa "Lo ga rugi-rugi banget kan pacaran ama gue? putus aja dapet duit". Well kind of. So, after years I found somebody else and we did the same thing except the amount was much higher because we both have job so we can save up more and also we thought we were mature enough to prepare for marriage. So the purpose was clear, we save together for marriage cost ( It's freaking expensive to have a decent reception in Jakarta). We finally opened a bank account on behalf his name and it was a saving plan so we MUST save some certain amount of money in the certain date each month for a year. But things didn't work out as we hoped and planned. We broke up after almost three years relationship and 10 months having the saving plan together. It means there were 2 months away for us till we can get the money back or if we wanted to get it before the due time we would get pinalty and it cost lots of money so we decided to keep it eventough our comunication is limitted and it was hard months to lose somebody you love the most for years and we can't really let him go due to this kind of unfinished business. Trust me, it was killing me.Losing him and feeling afraid if he would run away with my money. But lucky me, he was responsible to what we agreed on so we shared the money equally after the due time . Yes it was hurt so bad to remember maybe if we didn't break up the money woud be use for what we planned for and now I will be his wife *Aww* but at least the tiring, torturing, and tearing break up all paid by Singapore trip with my cousin using the "gono-gini" money. LOL So, based on my story do you think I am agreed on saving money together before marriage or not? Find out in the next chapter. *Duh You come whenever you need
You leave whenever you want And I still the same, a fool open door He's so selfish, he almost never agreed on everything I said, he ignore my text and so on. But I foolishly still admire him. If only I can, I really want to stop admiring this person. Did I ever try? Yes, many times. You know there's a motivated forgetting theory in psychology where we try to forget someone or something by avoiding every conversation or trying hard not to involve or keeping in touch with the triggers that can remind us of those things. It didn't work for me.
But then I laughed at myself. I am the selfish one, he has his own life girl. He probably get hundreds text everyday. ( You guys will think I am a crazy fan, will you? Yeah I think I am) Ok so why I admire him? He's younger than me but he succeed in building "personal branding" and it's kinda hard for me. Although I don't know his personal branding right now will affect his future career or not because he's doing it as a hobby. For people who know him maybe every time I mention his name they will definitely refer to his hobby since he's so knowledgeable in it. He can clearly explain almost every questions his fans ask him about it and I can say he's inspiring his followers by what he has done. He usually record and upload it in youtube and the comment box will always filled by question "when will you upload the new video?" means people enjoy his art. Don't they? I knew it takes time. One day I asked him when and how he started to build this kinda image. He said around two years ago. He succeed on discovering what he likes, he could create somethin which is video so not only him can enjoy what he's done, he communicated it to the people so he got lots of subscribers, and he could maintain it. He got a lot of friends and maybe he got money from youtube as well. I am not gonna explain why personal branding is very important cause you guys can browse it anyway. I guess know I know what's somethin in you that keeps me admiring you and inspired by you. I wish I can at least discover what I really like and try to create somethin from it. Just like you did. |
AuthorA learner, kids lover, Social media enthusiast and Teh Kotak Lover Archives
January 2023
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