Hey so ummm
These few months were not that great. Tho, were not that bad. Just too much roller coaster going around and around and it's making me sick. I wanted to write something impactful or inspiring for others, but it turns out I just wanna write to express myself. Weather it's inspiring or not i decided it is none of my business but if it does. well that's kinda good then. So basically why I start to write again it is just to well call it relieving the burden in my heart. Cause by the time I am typing this sentence I feel like it works a bit. Although I can't really share it here in detail what happened but in conclusion it was a rough time. Cause tbh, when I try to recall the past memories of what makes it feel hard now it's actually just how I respond to the stimulus in my environment. I kinda feel like I truly need to be more controlling of what I react on certain situation. Cause again and again as I always say to my students, we can never ever control what other people talk and think about us, but the only thing we can control is our respond. Take this math equation as the display : + x + = +, - x + = +, not gonna put - x - = + as example cause it is not related. ( SO? whatever) or as we studied in primary school about how magnet works, when we put same pole close to each other it's gonna againt
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Few months, or maybe years ago I wrote the same thing on this weebly. Today I am gonna do it again and see if "Me" from back then has changed or stay the same.
Me : 90% : Taking care of my family 5 % : Teaching 2 % : Instagram 2 % : Coffee 1% : Overthinking. Have I told you last year was one of the hardest year?
Have I told you that I truly wish this year will be so much better? But 2nd day of the year wasn't that great, today was truly a roller coaster. But hey, sitting here enjoying the coffee and this banana fries is something I should be grateful for, isn't it? tho at some points things are not that good at the moment. Anyway, today I went to my husband office. It was fantastic and we really have a good time. Wait, isn't it another thing I should be grateful for too? What are you grateful for today? 1/365
First day of the year! Well just like another new year I believe everyone wishing for a great year ahead and I am just like everyone. Anyway, why do I start to update this weebly? For around 2 years I didn't use my English as daily basis at work so I felt both my speaking or writing didn't show any improvement. I could not blame my environment and I shouldn't too. Cause I believe wherever we are, if we have a great willingness to learn and to upgrade ourselves, however the surrounding is it won't affect us significantly. (Don't ask the source, it's just something I believe, hehehe). The other reason is that not only my English but my ability to speak up my thought in a decent and more understandable way even in Bahasa needs some improvement as well. So here I am, back to this weebly, just to start putting my thoughts in writing and a way to refresh myself. Let's see if I can keep up with my commitment. Well I should, I suppose to. How's your first day of this year? I hope everyone has a lovely start. Hi Weebly, I hide your link on my instagram account so I can write everything I feel here. Let's assume nobody except me will read it so it will be safe. You know this is one of the way to relieve my stress, by writing.
I have nobody to talk to, well in term of sharing EVERYTHING literally EVERYTHING. I have issue with trusting people including my parent but in the other hand I really need an ear. I still talk to some friends but only in a surface level of my problem like outer layers of an onion. Beside I also have problem on delivering what I really feel. Funny isn't it? I mean I think I am capable of being MC which require a competence in speaking but to deliver my own feeling I have trouble in it. Hey I am crying right now. In a staffroom at my office. I kinda can't hold whatever hits my heart at the moment. I wanna scream, why life is so unfair. “Gue tau gue bodoh tapi gimana dong gue masih sayang sama dia, gue masih kangen banget sama dia’ “Jangan dipaksa untuk melupakan malah kamu akan semakin ingat, saat memang tidak ada yang bisa kamu lakukan untuk menemuinya atau saat sekedar menghubunginyapun membuat segalanya semakin memburuk maka kembalilah pada Tuhan…biarkan diri kamu berada dipuncak kerinduan yang dahsyat itu dengan selalu menyebut nama dia tanpa peduli dia menyebut nama kamu atau tidak dan biarkan Tuhan menguatkan hatimu. Jika memang rindumu akan berlabuh padanya maka Tuhan akan menunjukan jalannya dan jika memang bukan ia tempat berlabuh rindumu maka perlahan Tuhan akan menuntunmu untuk mengurangi dan bahkan berhenti menyebut namanya dalam doamu dan pada akhirnya kamu tidak akan lagi berada dipuncak rindu terdahsyat itu perlahan pun kamu akan mengurangi klikmu pada Instagram dia atau sekdedar mengecek last seen whatsapp dia“ “Puncak kangen paling dahsyat adalah saat dua orang tak saling menelpon, tak saling sms, BBM, tapi diam-diam keduanya saling mendoakan” - Sujiwo Tejo- I skipped sad song on my playlist and listened to love songs lately
And start smiling without no reason No imagination of a certain face on my mind No Instagram account I stalked Not enough money on my account to go travel the world Well you know I love money But I am feeling something I never had I thought I am falling in love But what so funny is I have no idea to whom or to what I am falling for Whatever or whoever that is, I wish I found’em sooner So that I can love’em longer. Any same experience? Few months ago I used to have a friend who always went for coffee with me almost every saturday night. We went all around Jakarta only for coffee.
When I was in Malaysia two months ago I scrolled up the town only to get refreshing "street" coffee. In my office I have 2 person I called bestfriends, not sure how it started but if one of us ordered coffee then we will order for the other two. It only apply for coffee. I don't really hang out with my sister but few days ago during our trip back to Jakarta from Cilegon we agreed to take a rest in starbuck and enjoyed coffee. Just now I got weird message from my friend we didn't really talk but once he texted me he only questioned me if I wanna have coffee or not. I am not too addicted to coffee but yeah coffee is magic. Coffee brings the world together. Coffee makes strangers become friends, friends become lovers So wanna have some coffee? Kita hanya manusia, tak apa jika lelah
Lelah akan rasa yang tak terbalas Lelah dengan usaha yang seolah tak berbuah Rehatlah, ini tidak salah Yang salah jika kamu terus merasa Lelah Atau merasa tidak boleh Lelah Jika pelukan menenangkan Maka temuilah, Namun… Jika bahkan tak ada pundak untuk bersandar Mereka benar, masih ada bumi untuk bersujud.. With no intention for not being grateful for every blessing I've got
Since the beginning of last year till now I have experienced so many lost I lost many people I love and meaningful things No matter how hard I tried to hold them on, even sacrificing my life I still lost them It might be a wrong concept But the more I experience lost, the more I get used to it All I'll do is seizing the moment with what I have left Cause Bebe rexha said, every hello just means good bye |
AuthorA learner, kids lover, Social media enthusiast and Teh Kotak Lover Archives
January 2023
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